PICHHA KARO PAKISTAN (FOLLOW PAKISTAN)

Pakistan is well on its way to getting a new government and Imran Khan is leading the race to become Prime Minister. Many many middle aged and above middle age Indian women still closely follow with interest the indiscretions of the 65 year old Pathan bombshell and what his multiple ex-wives have to say about him. I would tell these Indian Mothers and Grand Mothers to look beyond nostalgia and tell their children to follow not just one this one Pakistani but to embrace the entire country…to follow all of Pakistan. They should tell their children and husbands and the safaiwala and sabjiwala that they should do so with full intensity because follow Pakistan should be the message of the year…like Achhe Din or Sabka Saath Sabka Vikas or Swachh Bharat there should now be Pichha Karo Pakistan.

PAKISTAN

Pichha Karo Pakistan on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and even on the not so social media. Follow Pakistan on the map and on TV or on radio, watch their films, follow their cricket players and singers, read their books, learn their language, go to Wagah and wag your tail for them, learn to shout profanities in Balochi or Siraiki, wink at their dreamy eyed film stars. In short do what the Pakistani does because how else can one be an Indian.

Pichha Karo Pakistan — Follow Pakistan because Pakistan is the best thing that could have happened to India…Because and mark my words… because it is only because of Pakistan that India can achieve GREATNESS.

The logic is simple — what does a nation need to be great? Initiative and unity and prosperity and enterprise are all fine but over and above all of these is the need for a foil, a contrast against which one is judged. The worse the contrast the better one looks. Having that foil, that comparison is essential and it ideally has to be a goal that is achievable and it has to be something that gives you purpose. For India that perfect foil, not just for greatness but to achieve anything tangible, is Pakistan. From cricket to nuclear bombs Indians want to do it first and do it better than Pakistan. So now does the call for Pichha karo Pakistan make sense? We need to follow Pakistan so that we can make them follow us — right?.

Indian News mediums need to follow Pakistan because there are specialists who specialise; analysts who analyse; hawks who advocate extermination and doves who chant brotherly love based on what they have followed. Long and lucrative carriers are made in the Indo-Pak business. Politicians who follow events in Pakistan have a steady source of material to berate their opponents with on live TV. Evening news on TV has screaming, shouting, jingoistic entertainment and in all of this the person with the most amounts of unbelievable facts and figures on Pakistan is the only one who can firmly put Pakistan in its place. How can one do that if one does not follow Pakistan?

The Indian army has to follow Pakistan to know what to target during cross border transgressions or in the event of a surgical strike, scientists have to follow Pakistan to receive funding to build deadlier weapons; cricketers and hockey players have to know how to beat Pakistan even if they lose the tournament; filmmakers have to get performers from Pakistan and ‘thriller’ writers need to have plots. For all of this they need to ardently Pichha karo Pakistan.

How dull life would be in India if there were no Pakistan. The entire contemporary culture and society of India is dependent on Pakistan being Pakistan . In the natural world, things exist because there is a specific need for it and life species continue to exist till its need remains. When there is no need for it in the Eco system a species dies off and becomes extinct. Pakistan exists because there is the very clear and specific need for Pakistan to exist; it exists to make India — India.

It is time that India accepts that Pakistan is the best thing that India has going in its favour. So India welcomes the hung parliament in Islamabad as it should welcome any instability that side of the border. Follow Pakistan and follow what they are up to…because Indians need to be Indians and for that the only ones who can make them feel at home is a Pakistani.

CAPTAIN OF PAKISTAN. PHOTO: PTI

So Pichha Karo — Pakistan…Follow Pakistan and 3 Cheers for the jailed Nawaz Sharif, not to forget Asif Ali Zardari who was sure to get at least 10% votes in these elections as well… and of course hip hip hurrah for the playboy turned politician Imran Khan… set to be Captain of Pakistan once again.

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THE PUMPKIN SELLER

THE PUMPKIN SELLER

The Pumpkin Seller is a cynic and tends to observe life through a sceptic's prism. The use of pseudonym is deliberate to avoid bias that attaches to names.